Do you have a reactive dog? Me too
Nova is reactive. Although, at this point you could probably consider her to be in recovery, or maybe remission. Passing her during a walk at the park you might even think she was friendly enough to greet. However, despite the lack of loud barking and lunging, she still has no desire to make friends. So when someone asks if they can pet her, or if their dog can say hello, I usually respond with “She doesn’t like strangers” or “She’s not friendly, but thanks for asking”. My husband used to ask, why do you say it like that? Because its true. It may be an over simplification, but the guy at the park heading our way with the dog on the flexi lead doesn’t need or want to hear about the nuances of befriending my dog, and frankly I don’t owe him any more explanation than that. I suppose the downside is that she’s a Pitbull and many people already have stereotypes in their heads about her breed. But, my job as her guardian is to make sure she is safe and happy and if that means telling someone at the park the “truth” so they don’t continue advancing towards us, so be it.
Does Nova make friends? Yes, but it is a long, committed process to be her friend, not something everyone has the patience to endure, although I will tell you, I personally believe it’s completely worth it. For those of you wondering how she makes friends - hiking. You are required to log a minimum number of hiking hours to be considered for friendship status. And you must bring treats, gluten free please, she has a wheat allergy.
When did we realize her challenges with reactivity? About 5 minutes into bringing her home when we decided to try a parallel walk with our Rottweiler, Mongo. I had Nova across the street and my husband brought Mongo out. Even with 3 lanes of suburban road between us, she lost her mind - from zero to 60 - barking and lunging. We tried to walk a bit to see if she would calm down but we very quickly abandoned the cause. Knowing that she was, on some level, dog friendly, and that Mongo was one of those rare bomb proof dogs, we decided to just bring her into the backyard (not something I would recommend to everyone). We lucked out, she liked him instantly, something I have rarely seen happen since then. Based on that success, we kept her, and 2 weeks later we found out - she hates people. Hate may seem like a strong word, but her response was unexpected and extreme, complete panic and another very vocal and physical display of emotions. We were already pretty committed to fostering though so we decided to work through it, and ultimately, it became one of the reasons we decided that we would be her forever home.
Living with and caring for a reactive dog is not always easy. Meeting their needs in a society that expects so much from dogs and has so little respect for their individuality can sometimes be a burden. For a long time it was difficult for me to accept her for exactly who she is, especially having another dog who was her polar opposite. I was frustrated and disappointed that she was not the dog I had in mind, that she was not capable of the things I thought I wanted and needed from her. It has taken me longer than I would have liked to appreciate all of the things that are so wonderful about her; Which I now realize are so much more than anything she is not.
I think we often place expectations on our dogs of what we think they should be, when in reality they are individuals just like we are and those expectations can be unfair and unreasonable. I’m not really a big fan of going out to bars and spending time around a bunch of strangers, I prefer a much smaller, more intimate social circle – so does she. She has difficulty making friends and is selective about who she makes friends with, both humans and dogs, so do I (well except for dogs – I’ll take all the dog friends!). These aren’t negative qualities, they are just part of what make us who we are.
Accepting and respecting our dogs’ individual needs can sometimes be hard, explaining it to other people can be even more challenging, but you’ll get better at it. It may seem unfair that as our reactive dog’s guardians, we always have to be the ones to cross the street or yell at the person with the off leash dog, but it’s important for our dog and our relationship with them, that we advocate for their needs. For the tough days when your emotions are high and you find yourself in tears (yes, I’ve had those days too), think about your dog’s positive qualities, all of the things that you love about them, and if it helps - make a list as a reminder of just how amazing your dog really is!
A list of Nova’s amazing qualities (in case you were wondering):
She is snuggly. Oh, so snuggly! She prefers to be the little spoon and will often stick her butt in your face, but it’s still worth it.
She is brilliant. Teaching her to perform new skills or tasks is a breeze, she offers behaviors and will keep trying things until she figures it out.
She is determined. If at first she doesn’t succeed, she will try again...and again, and again…
She is enthusiastic. Whether its learning something new or just going for a walk (the same walk we took yesterday) she is always excited to participate.
She is goofy. Her favorite thing to do is roll around on the bed, dig at the blankets, climb underneath and act a fool. It’s hilarious and never fails to make me laugh out loud.
She is adventurous. She loves to hike and would happily stand on the edge of a cliff if I let her.
She is adorable. Have you seen her pictures and videos, need I say more?
She is athletic. Whether its swimming, playing fetch, running agility, or climbing a mountain, even at 9 years old she still wants to go-go-go.
She is a great catcher. Eye/mouth coordination 10/10. Chuck It balls, frisbees, treats – she can snatch anything out of mid-air. Luckily, she has no interest in birds.
She is resilient. It took her awhile, but she made her first real friends at about 8 years old (dog and human).
She is playful. While her dog/dog skills may be lacking, she knows that a play bow tells us she would like us to engage in play with her and we love that she asks!
She is forgiving. I have made plenty of mistakes but she always gives me another chance to try and get it right.
She is selective. She doesn’t like everyone, but she loves me, and that’s an honor.
Life with a reactive dog can be hard, finding support during your journey can be helpful. The Pet Professor hosts a community of reactive dog owners on Facebook where you can find support in the face of failure and celebration for the moments of success. When it feels like the rest of the world is judging you for your dog’s “bad behavior”, you will find people who understand what you are going through. Reactive Rehab classes are also available to teach you how to help your dog find success in your daily lives, while your dog learns that the world is not such a scary place!
